


bird

by PinkJasMink



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, At least I tried, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, M/M, wannabe plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-08
Updated: 2015-02-08
Packaged: 2018-03-11 04:52:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3314705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkJasMink/pseuds/PinkJasMink
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He imagines a small bird flying over the vast land outside the walls, the true wings of freedom flapping through the air. It gives Erwin some kind of hope and he holds onto it as though it is a token.</p>
            </blockquote>





	bird

The first time Erwin hears it, it's the middle of the night.

He's walking down the corridors of the headquarters, the sound of his boots stepping on the stone ground the only thing Erwin can hear. It's long past midnight, but Erwin has been so stuck up with reports from the last expedition that he just managed to rip himself free from his office.

Everyone's already asleep, Erwin is quite certain of that, and he rubs his head that aches painfully for some rest. If this continues, Erwin fears, he will rather die of exhaustion than being devoured by a Titan.

Grimly, Erwin smiles to the thought, his eyes darting around the dark corridor. He has a candle in his hand to light his way and the flame dances with his steps. The light flickering on the narrows walls just makes Erwin all the more sleepy.

He's about to turn to the right, his feet dragging him towards his room on autopilot. But then he suddenly stops, an unfamiliar noise breaking the silence _just so_.

Erwin stands for a moment, wonders if his shoes scraped over the floor in some weird way, or if he simply imagined it, but now, without his footsteps, the noise is more clear. His ears pick up and Erwin isn't exactly sure why he feels so interested, but he follows the noise, walks slow and careful to avoid the sound of his footsteps from interrupting.

He realises, the sound is coming from the communal bathroom that's just down the hallway to the left. Erwin wonders who would still be there so late and interested, he walks a little closer.

The door is shut, but standing right in front of it, Erwin can make the noise out as something that sounds like a melody. It's light and soft and happy and Erwin wants to listen. But the noise dies, pretty suddenly, even before Erwin can think of trying to recognise the voice.

For a moment, Erwin keeps standing there. But he's surrounded by silence again and considers the possibility of having imagined it. He's terribly fatigued, so it definitely wouldn't be a surprise.

Erwin walks away with quiet steps, slow, to see if he will hear it again. But he doesn't and starts walking faster. He needs some sleep now. It was probably just his imagination.

 

Erwin forgets he ever heard anything over night and the thought doesn't come to his mind again for weeks. He's far too busy, mind all fogged with the usual problems the Survey Corps have to deal with. The pressure of all the people who think they send soldiers into pointless death, lack of funds. It's the usual, but Erwin has to admit he feels a little strained. It's something he cares to hide well, but there are always people who can pick up on it. In the end, Mike is the one who stalks into Erwin's office and suggest they go out for a drink.

Erwin's desk is still piled with papers, but he accepts anyway. He couldn't possibly turn one of his oldest friends down, could he? So around afternoon, they head off. It's really just the two of them, but Erwin doesn't mind at all. He's known Mike for a while and despite Mike being a reliable companion in battle, Erwin would describe their relationship as friendship.

The sun already low on the horizon while they walk through the streets and Erwin finds himself smiling a little, maybe already feels a little more at ease. He's having way too less time for himself these days, alone the thought of taking a break soothes Erwin's mind.

The evening rolls by slowly. They drink a few beers over light chitchat, conversation as far away from Titans and the Survey Corps as possible. Sometimes Erwin sees soldiers with roses on their jackets and darts off for a moment, but he eventually gets caught up in another conversation and by the end of the evening, Erwin feels much lighter. It's probably due to the alcohol, but it's a good excuse to go to bed early. The papers won't run anyway.

 

Time stretches for a while, but they gather some funds and the next expedition is ahead. It's a simple exploration, seeking out places outside the walls that were once lively with humans. Maybe they will find a place to set up a base. Maybe they will be able to claim back one small piece of the world the Titans took from them.

Erwin learned not to expect too much, but he can always hope for something. And that time, he doesn't hope in vain. The expedition goes fine overall, death rate low, at least compared to last few expeditions. It's still exhausting and by the time they're back behind the walls, everyone is fatigued. Well, near everyone.

Erwin still has some paperwork to attend to and it doesn't help that Hange comes along to share some new manic theories about Deviants. Usually Erwin welcomes any input, how crazy it may be, but Erwin wishes Hange would wait to tell him all about it till they've relaxed for a bit. They don't, however and Erwin just plants signatures on papers he's already written while one ear listens to Hange.

When they finally finish, Erwin is mentally relieved about their leave. But about twenty minutes into some more paper work, Erwin starts to miss a presence. Maybe he's been too isolated lately, too caught up with work. No good ideas come from an overworked mind, so Erwin finally leaves it be for the moment and takes the candle to light the way back to his room.

It's silent around him again and while Erwin walks, lulled by the faint flicker of the candle, he realises that he's in fact, pretty hungry. But he probably has an apple lying around in his room somewhere.

While Erwin thinks about that, he reaches the turn that leads to the communal bathroom on the left and further into the building to where Erwin's room is down the right. And then he hears it again. At first it startles Erwin as much as the first time, but then he remembers having it heard before. Maybe it's the sleep again, but when Erwin stops to listen, the noise sounds very real, so he sneaks closer to the bathroom door to listen.

It's the same soft, happy melody Erwin heard so many weeks ago and for a while, he just listens. He can't make out the words, but the calm melody is enough to make Erwin smile softly. He listens for a while, the melody lingering, but then it stops and Erwin is surrounded by silence once more.

Erwin is very, very tempted to see who uses the showers in the middle of the night and obviously sings. He's so tempted that he almost goes inside. But he doesn't want to interrupt the privacy of whoever is doing it. There's probably a reason they're showering so late, with everyone else asleep.

He considers waiting around the corner, pretending to be casually walking by when the person shows themselves, but in the end, Erwin decides it's a horrible idea. So he sneaks away and leaves the secret musician to their nightly business.

 

This time, the discovery sticks. Erwin finds himself looking around the soldiers ever so often, wondering who it is that sings under the shower at night. Unfortunately, the tune slips from Erwin's mind. He just can't seem to remember it, no matter how hard he tries. It keeps Erwin's mind off more important things and after he spent two hours in his office one night, too distracted by his fingers trying to tap the tune, he decides to pay the hallway near the communal bathroom another nightly visit. To listen, to get the tune back.

Some kind of anticipation, keeps Erwin's mind working and suddenly he has no problem working late into the night. Of course he doesn't know if the secret singer is attending his shower right now, but the hope keeps Erwin's steps silent and that night, the candlelight doesn't nearly lull him to sleep.

Unfortunately, there's nothing. No faint noise, no harmony, not even when Erwin waits in front of the door. It's just silence and Erwin wonders again if he just imagined it. Maybe he heard the tune somewhere before and his sleepy mind just caught up on it.

The thought isn't very satisfying and Erwin has to admit, he pouts a little on the way to his room. Halfway there, he runs into Levi. In the dim light and Erwin still pouting a little, he almost doesn't see him, but Levi obviously spotted him, made sure they didn't crash into each other.

"Erwin," Levi says. "What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the night?" His voice is low, a little exhausted and vibrating with interrupted sleep. _Maybe he had a nightmare_ , Erwin thinks, gaze darting over Levi. He's still fully dressed in his uniform, despite the gear and jacket and Erwin can make out a few crumbles in the fabric. Possibly, Levi fell asleep like that, though it sounds rather strange to Erwin.

Levi's been in the Survey Corps for a little over a year now, has adapted well, taken the hit of his friends being killed rather calm after the outburst on that rainy day. Maybe he's just thinking though, like Erwin. Levi always looks like he's deep in thought, but Erwin actually thinks it's just his face. The brow that's naturally furrowed. Levi is incredibly hard to read in fact.

"I could ask you the same," Erwin answers, a light smile curling onto his lips that he registers too late to suppress it. "I guess I got a little caught up with paperwork."

Levi nods, his brow furrowing deeper, or maybe it's just Erwin's imagination. Maybe it's just the flickering candlelight.

Erwin notices, that Levi doesn't have any light with him. It darts Erwin's eyebrows down into a frown. Did Levi sneak around in the darkness? Why?

"So what are you doing here?" Erwin asks.

He doesn't really expect an honest answer, but Levi shrugs and says, "Just thinking." It sounds genuine and Erwin is surprised for a moment, but then he nods. Everyone is always thinking. It's hard to find comfort in a world like that, at least Erwin thinks so.

He remembers the melody he heard a couple of times already and is almost tempted to ask Levi about it. Maybe he hushes around the dark hallways often and heard something? In the end however, Erwin doesn't ask.

"You should get some rest," he says instead. "We all should."

"Yeah." Levi rolls his shoulders and starts walking. Somehow, Erwin finds himself falling into step with him and they walk around the dark corridors together, the only light they have the candle in Erwin's hand.

"Did Hange tell you about that Deviant crap they think they're onto?" Levi asks into the silence, voice low, dancing through the mouldy air.

"Yeah." Erwin huffs, tries to keep the slight annoyance out of his tone. "For hours without end. They're smart, but I won't remember a single thing about it tomorrow."

Levi lets out a faint noise that sounds like some kind of amusement. Erwin glances over, but doesn't see a thing. It's too dark and Levi's hair falls into his face.

"Smart, yes," Levi says. "They could start to think about cutting us some slack. I think even the horses started to get annoyed when Hange kept talking earlier in the stables."

Erwin finds it horribly amusing to imagine Levi taking care of his horse with Hange dancing around, telling him everything they thought they'd discovered in that high-pitched, excited voice. It pools a laughter in Erwin's chest, but he coughs it away.

"You're right," he says, meaning it. "But we'll see about the issue later I assume."

Levi breathes out an approval and the rest of the way it's silent. Levi accompanies Erwin to his room and Erwin feels a weird calmness in the presence of another human being. They stop in front of Erwin's room, but Levi's already fidgeting to walk off again.

"Do you want my candle?" Erwin asks, suddenly not quite sure how to see Levi off. Or maybe he just wants some more pointless conversation before he goes to bed. Maybe it's both.

"Nah." Levi shakes his head. "That's fine."

Erwin nods slowly and smiles on purpose that time.

"Well then, get a good nights rest Levi. See you tomorrow."

"Hm." Levi nods back and is already walking away, his goodbye emerging from the darkness. "You too Erwin."

Erwin doesn't look after him, enters his room and just then realises how exhausted he truly is. He hardly cares to put any clothes off, just strips himself off his boots and gear, falls asleep like that, body half dangling from his bed. He dreams about a choir of Survey Corps soldiers humming the tune he desperately tried to remember, but in the morning, doesn't even remember.

 

Duty catches up quickly. Despite their small success, it doesn't get any easier. Neither with the angry civilians, nor with the funding or anything else. Erwin often works late, but always falls asleep in his chair and doesn't get the chance to listen to the secretive melody from the communal bathroom again. It's stuck in his mind, somewhere, but over the load of paperwork and a very exhausting journey to the capital, Erwin hardly finds the time to really think about it. He just does when he's alone and everything is silent around him and his head throbs from too much reading and thinking.

 

Erwin is merely busy drumming his fingers against his desk, trying to get into the flow of the melody that's stuck in the back of his mind. But no matter how hard he tries, how often he changes the rhythm, he just can't get a hold of it.

Erwin doesn't even know why he's suddenly so obsessed with it. It just has something, the memory. That deep tone of the voice, the lightness of the words, the softness of the melody. It has something endearing and Erwin wants to grab it and hold it tight to his chest.

He feels ridiculous thinking about it that way and sometimes he asks himself if he's going crazy. Maybe it's likely, given the fact that Erwin seems to be buried in work non-stop. Maybe he's just making himself busy though. Maybe, maybe. He doesn't know.

Erwin's chaotic thoughts are interrupted by a knock on his door. He raises his head and slides his hand from the desk, stops drumming.

"Come in," he says and the door creaks open.

Erwin isn't sure whom he expected, but he's more than surprised to see Levi's lean figure gliding through the doorframe. He shuts the door behind him and surveys Erwin's office quickly, lips twitching just so.

He has two steaming cups in his hands and walks over to set one down on the table. Erwin stares at it for a moment, then back to Levi who's already sitting on the chair across from Erwin. He looks relaxed, leaned back, legs crossed. He leans slightly more to the left, his elbow resting on the armrest of the chair, fingers holding the cup at the rim, delicate, instead of the handle.

"One day you'll suffocate in all these papers Erwin Smith," Levi says and if Erwin wouldn't think he knows better, he could've sworn to hear amusement in Levi's voice. "Seriously. Do you even sleep? You look like shit. Like a walking corpse."

Erwin smiles despite himself, maybe finds it endearing how Levi wraps his compassionate words up in his sharp tongue. It makes Erwin relax into his chair and he gets a hold of the cup to take a sip. The tea is good, mouth-warm, but a little too bitter for Erwin's taste. He prefers it with a little sugar. But he doesn't want to be rude about a seemingly caring gesture. It still tastes good anyway.

"Someone has to do it, right?" Erwin asks, watches how Levi takes a sip from his own tea, eyes still on Erwin. "Did you want something Levi?"

"Yeah." Levi rolls his shoulders, braces his elbow on the armrest again. "You to take a fucking break. Won't help nobody if you drop from your fucking horse outside the walls because you're so damn exhausted."

There's no amusement in Levi's voice anymore and he sounds scolding in a way Erwin remembers his father talking to him when he was little and had overstepped a rule. Now however, Erwin finds himself in a position above Levi in fact. Not that Erwin ever thinks about it like that. He's not above anyone, he's just providing tactics in a way that someone found him worthy of his duty as an officer. It isn't much different from anyone else's work, truly. In the Survey Corps everyone has to dig trough paperwork and they share the same risk of dying going outside the walls. It's rather simple, Erwin thinks, and he starts to wonder why he seems to have so much work to do anyway. Maybe he just can't let anything sit, even if it's not of urgent importance.

Erwin simply smiles and takes another sip from his tea, maybe feels a little lost at the moment. Maybe he feels lost overall. Maybe he's missing something.

"I just feel like I have to do it," Erwin says, shrugs.

Levi looks at him like a hawk. Like he's the hawk and Erwin's the mouse in the field he's about to catch. It's not really intimating though. Of course Erwin doesn't know, but he feels like this is how Levi shows concern and, it's pretty fucking endearing.

"Like I said," Levi says, voice flat, his position relaxed, yet unyielding. "Won't help nobody if you work yourself to death in your god damn office."

"Ah well, I suppose your right." Erwin sighs and brushes through his hair, closes his eyes for a split second. When he opens them again, Levi's position is unchanged as well as his expression.

"Of course I'm right."

Levi nearly snarls and leaves his position in a weirdly smooth motion. He practically glides from the chair and is back on his feet to walk over to the window. "At least open your window some time, will ya? It smells fucking nasty in here."

With the words, Levi opens the window and Erwin has to try really hard to keep his laughter inside. He doesn't know why, but Levi makes him feel so much more at ease. Maybe it's because, despite his rather stiff manner, Levi always seems to be calm. He's so terribly unyielding. Maybe he just restrains it though, like Erwin does, but maybe, he's way better at it than Erwin.

In some weird way, Erwin envies Levi a little bit. He just always assumed he was so good at keeping everything inside. Maybe he shows more than he wants to. Though, maybe, Levi is just terribly good at reading him. Maybe he can read Erwin like he can read himself. It makes Erwin wish he could do the same.

Levi walks back over to the desk, seems to clear his cup and sets it down on the chair, doesn't sit down again.

"How do you even work in a mess like this?" he asks. "How do you find shit in this fucking chaos?"

Erwin looks down, across the desk and, in fact, realises how terribly messy it is. It's mostly just papers though. Erwin just doesn't know where else to put them. He takes one, works on it, puts it away and digs for the next.

"I suppose I look for it?" Erwin says, weirdly abashed, but Levi doesn't comment on it. He looks like he doesn't even notice, eyes down on the desk, but Erwin is quite sure he did notice.

"How about you make stacks instead of a fucking pile?" Levi clicks his tongue and shuffles the papers together. "I can't believe you organise anything when you can't even keep your fucking desk tidy."

Levi doesn't even ask, just starts to sort the papers through and Erwin lets him, eventually helps. He listens to Levi's ranting, finds it weirdly amusing and actually, enjoys Levi's company very much. It feels like the melody Erwin was trying to grasp so desperately. Calm and soft, dancing around the air. It's probably weird to, of all people, think about Levi like that, but Erwin just does.

They make a few stacks, to Erwin's right everything he needs to attend to. Levi even arranged them in descending order given their importance. And the rest of the table is filled with everything Erwin already finished, one stack for each department. Issues with the Military Police here, fund raising there, and so on. Erwin has to admit, the whole thing feels much lighter like this. The stack with papers he has to work through compared to the ones he already did, seems ridiculously small and the sight alone tempts Erwin to call it a day.

"There," Levi says. "See? Much better. Now get your ass over to your room and sleep yourself alive again."

Erwin knows, it's not appropriate for Levi to talk to him like this, but Levi talks like this to everyone. And Erwin actually finds a charm in it. It's just who Levi is, his past stuck to him. It doesn't bother Erwin, never has, because despite his witty mouth, Levi has a high sense of duty. He was a little troublesome at first, but Levi picked the people he trusted himself over time and Erwin is almost willing to feel smug about being one of them.

_Levi trust your decisions_ , Erwin thinks and somehow, it wants to make him go to bed even more. Levi is right after all, Erwin will be no help to anyone if he can't focus during an expedition due to his fatigue. And the red string in the Survey Corps is to trust one another. Erwin can't blow it like that. Even if they have no expedition right ahead, he has to keep his calm and collect himself.

Erwin suddenly gets why Levi is doing this. It's probably not entirely compassion. He's shaking Erwin awake, telling him to get his fucking head out of his ass. Because Erwin has to. All of them always have to be ready to strike. And Levi wants to trust Erwin, wants to continue trusting his decision, but Erwin sees how that's nearly impossible when he's in such a battered state. Erwin's life lays in the hand of all his fellow Survey Corps soldiers and Erwin holds all of their lives in his palm as well.

"Thank you Levi," Erwin says, pushing himself up. "I will."

"Good." Something ghosts over Levi's face, but it's gone so quickly that Erwin fails to address it.

Levi takes the cups, stares into Erwin's for a moment as he sees it not quite empty. His furrow deepens a little and Erwin has to fight a smile.

"Thank you for pulling my head out of my ass," Erwin says, almost jokingly trying to mimic Levi's usual choice of words. "Put a little sugar in my tea next time, will ya?"

Levi shoves Erwin lightly with his elbow and the softened expression on his face shows the closest resemblance to a smile Erwin has ever seen Levi make.

 

Erwin gets a full nights rest, or maybe even more than that. He almost can't believe how much better he feels and when he returns to his office some time around the day, the papers are still neatly stacked on his desk and look far less of a burden then ever before. He works through them swiftly, seems to reach the less important matters in no time.

Shortly after noon, Erwin is interrupted by a knock on his door.

"Come in," he says and this time, is not surprised when Levi steps inside. He has two cups in his hands just like the day before and gives Erwin's desk a quick glance. It's still neat, despite Erwin working. Erwin doesn't know how long it's going to stay like that, but for now, he might see to keep it tidy himself.

Levi kicks the door shut and puts one of the cups down for Erwin. Erwin takes it with an appreciative nod, but isn't sure if Levi even saw it. He's already moving again, sets his own cup down at the chair and opens the window.

"I did tell you to open your fucking window some time, right?" he asks and Erwin takes a sip from his tea. He tastes it a little sweeter than the day before, taste and bitterness now perfectly in synch. In fact, he wasn't serious telling Levi to bring him tea with sugar the day before, but he has to fight a grin realising Levi obviously picked it up anyway.

"Sorry," Erwin mutters, lips still around the cup. "Thanks for the tea."

"Whatever." Levi shrugs and walks back to the desk, retrieves his cup from the chair and sits down in the same way as the day before. Levi always sits like that, actually and Erwin wonders why. He seriously does. It's just that the position seems to show some kind of domination. It makes Erwin think Levi could be a good leader.

"So how's your papershit?" Levi cocks his head lightly and takes a sip from his cup, then sits unyieldingly dominant once more. And he still manages to look so relaxed, like he has all the calm in the world. "Got a good night's rest?"

"Mh." Erwin nods and after another sip, puts the cup down and signs the paper he was just working on. He folds it carefully and slides it into an envelope, seals it. "I did."

Levi just nods, doesn't say anything afterwards and Erwin wouldn't know what to say either, so he stays quiet. It's a good silence, a calm one. Erwin likes Levi's presence, likes to be not alone and finds comfort in the way Levi silently offers company.

With Levi there, the work seems to go even more swiftly and Erwin eventually decides to switch over to some other work. Somewhere, there's always work to do. Work that doesn't involve paperwork and maybe, Erwin needs that again.

Two more days pass with Levi's silent presence over a cup of tea and Erwin starts thinking he would like it if it turned into a habit.

 

A week or so passes and Erwin finds some time to go out for a drink again. Sometimes, it's just necessary. He goes with Mike and Hange, or plans to, but a few others join them and after a few beers, Erwin finds it quietly amusing how the unusual large group of Survey Corps soldiers sits tight in the bar, attract attention. It's not surprising, even with a smaller number they would've attracted attention because Hange is with them. They start to ramble about Titans soon enough, but most of it is taken with laughter from everyone else and then evening goes slow and nice.

While everyone scatters in the headquarters to go see to their own business, Erwin walks by the communal bathroom. He actually goes that way pretty much every day, but Erwin doesn't have to use the communal bathroom. He has quite the luxury of his own little bathroom. But now, walking past it in the late hours, Erwin starts thinking about that song again. And he wants to hear it again. Unfortunately the headquarters seem still pretty lively now and Erwin figures he isn't going to have luck with it tonight, so he just makes a silent note and goes to his room.

The day after, Erwin stays long in his office, but doesn't force himself to work obsessively. Most of the time he actually tries to get that tune back into his head. But it doesn't work and eventually Erwin tries his luck.

He walks down the corridors, candle in his hand, steps silent. For a while there's nothing, but when Erwin comes closer to the communal bathroom, he hears it. It almost excites Erwin and he has to keep himself from running, making too much noise.

He manages to go slow, but quick enough to listen for a while. And that time, Erwin listens with the intention to get the melody in. To not forget it again.

He doesn't think about who's singing it, doesn't think about the words he can't understand, just hums along in his head and finally heads for his room, tapping the melody against his thigh.

 

The next expedition is a total disaster. They return with nearly half of their men dead or missing, same amount injured beyond repair and the rest beat and exhausted to the bone. It gets to Erwin on a personal-professional level. The citizens almost start to riot against them on the streets and Erwin feels so tense that he hates all of them for their stupidity and the naïve ignorance. It literally makes his skin tingle.

He just can't believe that all these people are so incredibly stuck up in their own mind. They think they're safe behind the walls, but that's a lie. No matter how many years of peace pass, they will never be truly safe with the Titans lingering outside. They'll never be _free_ , always waste away in what they call _safety_ , even when it's only a prison.

It makes Erwin sick and boiling with suppressed anger. He feels edgy these days and avoids company more than he seeks it. The only calm thing he can find is Levi stepping through the door of his office with two cups of tea in his hands.

He rarely says anything, just sets the cup for Erwin down and places himself on the chair opposite of Erwin's desk, legs crossed. It tames Erwin's anger, because Levi always looks composed and it reminds Erwin of what they should do. They don't have time for this anger, no time to dwell over what all the people think. They just don't have the time, have to keep their mind focused on other things. It doesn't matter anyway. They will always manage, somehow and Erwin is desperately convinced that one day, they will change the world. Some day, everything the Survey Corps ever did will add up. And whether or not Erwin is going to see that day, he's determined to work towards it. And Levi reminds him of it.

 

Slowly, the fuss over the Survey Corps grows quieter again and Erwin manages to pull himself together. His useless anger subsides and Erwin starts to find a warm comfort in the song he occasionally hears from the communal bathroom in the middle of the night.

Erwin finds himself going there ever so often and when he's lucky, he hears the song. He still doesn't know who sings it, still can't make sense of the words that sound like they're in a foreign language. But he doesn't have to know. He calls the mysterious singer _bird_ and when he hums the the tune silently to himself, he imagines a small bird flying over the vast land outside the walls, the true wings of freedom flapping through the air. It gives Erwin some kind of hope and he holds onto it as though it is a token.

 

Another expedition ends in a disaster.

Erwin is sitting in his office, but he's not angry. The little freedom bird flaps it's wings and Erwin knows being angry will do no good. Sitting around, dwelling over things, won't help anyone. So what Erwin does, is try to work out a new strategy. If what they're doing now, isn't working, they have to change the tactic. They have to work it out, have to move on to press forward.

Erwin is so deep drowned in his determined thoughts, that he doesn't notice how someone steps into his office. Just when he sees a hand in the corner of his eyes, he can rip himself off his mind and looks up to see Levi standing there. He's calm and composed like always, looks like he's thinking, like always and he also has two cups of tea in his hands, like always. He just set one down on Erwin's desk and now steps back and slides down into the chair, crosses his legs. Just like usual.

Erwin flashes a smile at him, maybe glad that Levi interrupted his weirdly obsessive thoughts. He watches him while he takes the cup to sip at the tea, finds it perfectly warm to drink and just faintly sweetened, just the way he likes it.

"What are you up to?" Levi asks, brings his own cup to his mouth. He seems to savour the taste before he swallows it down and something about the movement makes Erwin feel very calm.

"Trying to work out a new strategy," he answers, takes another sip from his cup before he sets it down. Levi nods at him, silently, and Erwin is okay with the way he doesn't know what he's thinking. He doesn't always have to know everything. Maybe it's another thing that calms Erwin.

He smiles at Levi again and sinks his gaze back onto his desk. He watches what he wrote down so far, scribbles a few things over, adds something, scribbles it away again. He starts to think of the bird again and the melody finds a way into Erwin's head. He starts drumming it against the desk, not even noticing.

"Hey," Levi suddenly says and Erwin looks up, fingers stilling.

Levi wears an expression Erwin has never seen before. It's surprising to see his expression change at all, but the nature of the one Levi's is wearing, makes Erwin's eyes widen a little.

"What are you doing?" Levi asks and Erwin's face twitches into confusion.

"I-" he starts, but Levi interrupts.

"With your hand," he specifies, leaning forward to drum his fingers against the surface of the desk without a rhythm. Erwin looks down, brows furrowed, then looks at his own hand, catching how it's in a similar position to Levi's. _Right_ , he thinks and catches Levi's gaze again.

"I don't know," he says, shrugs. "It's a song. I picked it up somewhere. Keeps me calm somehow."

Levi furrows his brows unnaturally deep, even considering his ever-lasting one. He parts his lips, but before he can say a word, the door of Erwin's office crashes open. Erwin almost jerks to the sound, head snapping to the side. It's Hange, throwing their arms into the air.

"Titan!" Hange yells and there's something in their voice that tells Erwin it's not a joke. He pushes himself up while Hange keeps talking.

"Shigashina! Higher than the wall they say. He broke trough! Get your fucking asses to move!"

"Are you fucking kidding me," Levi hisses, but has already pushed himself up, just like Erwin. "How's that even possible?"

"Does it matter!?" Hange stalks away, yelling around. A second passes and then Erwin starts walking and Levi does too. He starts running and Levi does too. He starts yelling and Levi does too.

Erwin's never been so thankful for having most of his gear on all the times. He runs to get the rest while he yells at every soldier he passes to get their sorry asses over there. To fucking _do_ something. Whatever the hell is even going on.

Erwin looses Levi somehow, but he thinks it doesn't matter. He will make his way and Erwin is just determined to do the same. It's maddening, that they're so far from outside wall of Shigashina and Erwin feels like his horse is not running fast enough.

Erwin hasn't even reached the inner wall of Shigashina when he spots the first Titan. It makes his skin tingle with horror and something else. They're too late, he realises, but it doesn't keep him from getting his hands on his gear. He kills the Titan and makes his way to the wall. He's not the only one and while he swings through the air, wind nearly cutting his cheeks, Levi catches up again.

"They breached the inner wall" he yells through the wind, as if Erwin doesn't know and then darts forward, leaving Erwin behind. Erwin watches how he flies forward, quick and swift, like he's born to be in the air like this. The crest of the Wings of Freedom blurs on Levi's back and for a second Erwin thinks of the bird.

_Bird_ , he thinks, _spread your wings of freedom wide and help us save humanity_.

The thoughts make Erwin speed up and he can keep the distance between him and Levi, his gear sizzling. He speeds up with Levi, but by the time they reach the top of the inner wall, it's already hell on earth.

There's a gaping hole in the wall, Titans swarming through. Dozens of people are on the ground, smashed to mush, the few soldiers remaining, in the grasps of Titan claws, their dead bodies dangling from their jaws. Buildings are smashed to the ground and despite everything Erwin's ever seen, this is the worst of them all.

His gaze darts back and he sees Levi standing next to him, hard like a stone. He's just staring down and Erwin eventually does the same. For a moment, all they can do, is to just take the horror in.

"We can't kill them all," Levi whispers, his voice cold and sharp like it could slice a Titan's neck. "There are too many."

_I know_ , Erwin thinks, but he doesn't want to say it. _This might be it_ , he then thinks. _This could be the day I die. The day we all die. And all for nothing?_

Erwin looks around, sees Survey Corps soldiers swarming over the rooftops, the wall, some already standing there in horror like Levi and Erwin. They can do nothing, Erwin thinks. The two walls securing the area between Wall Rose and Wall Maria are useless now. There are two gaping holes, Titans swarming through, killing the few brave soldiers that are still trying to fight. If only they would've been there sooner.

Erwin knows it will do no good thinking about it, but he doesn't really know what else to think. At least, it looks like they could evacuate. But that doesn't mean these people are safe now. And it doesn't help the ones that already died. All those people that died while they were just on their way. But, looking at it, Erwin starts to think it wouldn't have made a difference. At least, not a very big one. It's not like everyone really expected the Titans to breach the walls. It was a thought Erwin had more often than not, but seeing it happen. Is something entirely different.

"We'd have to seal the hole," Erwin says, more to himself. "But we can't."

"No we can't," Levi says and Erwin looks over. It's only a second, but somehow, it feels like they stare at it each other for an eternity. Erwin sees determination in Levi's grey eyes, like he's going to fight anyway.

It gives Erwin hope and he wants to reach out and touch Levi. He has the weird picture of Levi on his palm, a little bird Erwin wants to believe in. But the bird flaps its wings and flies away. Levi does. And for another second that feels like another eternity Erwin looks after him.

This might've been the last time he saw Levi alive. The last time they saw each other alive.

Erwin doesn't think about it, he tightens the grip on his blade and and his gear jerks him forward, right into the arms of a Titan. He's not going to die a coward. _And neither is Levi._

 

It's useless. They have to retreat. They can't fight the Titans back, because they just come swarming through the holes and eventually, everyone's on their way back to Wall Rose. It's devastating, and even more so when the area between Wall Maria and Wall Rose is considered lost. It's lost. To the Titans. And Erwin hates it. It's no victory at all that the people start looking towards the Survey Corps, reminded of how fragile their lives are even within the walls. Erwin didn't want them to realise like this.

_At least you didn't die_ , Erwin thinks, _now you can do something_. And he's not the only one. Many people died that day, many soldiers among them, trying to hold the Titans back, even before the Survey Corps finally showed up. But the the loss is immense and it's a small solace that people are determined to do something now more than ever.

Weeks later, people gather to try and take back the land they lost. But it's a disaster and nearly everyone gets wiped out. In the end, it was just a farce anyway, sacrificing people to ensure the rest from starving. It's a maddening thought, but damage is done. Still, when Shadis retires from his position as Commander of the Survey Corps and Erwin takes his place, he has the goal to actually, seriously try to take the lands back, in mind. The situation calms gradually, as far as that's possible, and the focus is already on a planned expedition to seek out the lost lands once more. Maybe it's madness, but Erwin is determined to someday, somehow, take wall Maria back.

 

Erwin gets lost in work easily once more and these days it's rare for Levi to join him. He just doesn't have the time. But Erwin doesn't blame him and he can keep himself calm. Maybe he misses it, but he tries not to think about it. He also tries not to think about the way he feared for Levi's life. He can't be that selfish. No one can.

Erwin works out a new strategy in hope it will help sparing lives on their missions. And the date to test it out is already set. Everyone is a little nervous about it and in, hopefully, good foresight, they will head for an area in the west, hoping the Titans didn't spread so wide with a large number yet.

The new tactic mainly focuses on actually avoiding Titans rather then trying to defeat every single one of them. Not only is it dangerous to fight, but also exhausting, especially in the open. And with Titans all around, they can't afford it. It's fairly simple, in fact. Erwin worked it out carefully.

The legion is supposed to spread out over a wide area, covering more ground. Once a Titan appears somewhere, they send a red flare. And the legion spreads it so it reaches Erwin at the top of the formation. Then he just has to think were to move to avoid the Titan and he sends back a green flare that spreads back so everyone follows.

It sounds simple, but Erwin still doesn't know how good it will work. Also, there could be trouble. Levi actually pointed it out. "What about bad weather?" he asked and it got Erwin thinking. With rain, the flares would be useless and communication inside the formation would fall. Fog is also a disadvantage and unfortunately no one can predict the weather.

It's still worth a try, Erwin thinks, because they can't afford to keep loosing so many soldiers. He considers a few possibilities, but the only option he sees is to have a person in each group that, if necessary, rides off to inform the other parts of the formation.

Erwin thinks it's a good idea and the way the expeditions went before, they can't possibly make it any worse trying. _When necessary, we have to take big risks_ , Erwin thinks to himself and in fact, the Survey Corps are quite hopeful.

Nevertheless, the night before expedition starts, the mood is silent and brooding among all soldiers. It's usually like this, but now, even more so. Erwin sees the soldiers going over the tactic again over and over and he does the same.

Everyone goes to bed early, though Erwin doubts everyone is actually going to sleep so soon. The fear of the unknown lingers in the air, it always does, especially shorty before an expedition. It's something no one can seriously turn off and Erwin finds himself affected as well. He went to his room with the setting sun, but a few hours later, when it's already dark, he's still awake. He's sitting on his bed, drumming that secret melody against the headboard. It calms him somehow, but not as much as Erwin wishes it would.

A sudden knock on his door, nearly startles Erwin. He tilts his head, finds the door a couple of steps away, the candle on the shelf next to Erwin's bed hardly reaching it. It knocks again and this time Erwin straightens his back.

"Come in," he says, wondering who might look for him at this hour. Maybe one of the younger soldiers, asking to get the formation explained once more. Erwin plans on doing so before they head off anyway, but since he can't sleep yet, he wouldn't mind giving some reassuring words to a young soldier.

But, it's not a young soldier that steps through the door a few seconds later, it's Levi. He doesn't look like he laid down yet, but his clothes are casual, a simple shirt hanging from his small frame, trousers that look a little worn out, but not dirty.

"Levi," Erwin says, can't even hide his surprise. "Is something the matter?"

"No." Levi closes the door silently, but then keeps standing there, only just lit by the candle on Erwin's shelf. Erwin has absolutely no idea what he wants, but he realises he hasn't seen Levi in private for a while. They just didn't have time to really talk alone. No tea, no silent company. It's a shame, Erwin thinks.

"Well, sit down," Erwin offers, hand gesturing between the chair in front of the desk and the bed, because he doesn't mind where Levi decides to sit. Levi stands for a moment, then walks over and slides down on the bed next to Erwin, back straight. Erwin looks at him for a moment, studies Levi's profile. The bridge of his nose has a smooth curve, the rest sharp and straight and Erwin thinks it suits Levi very well.

"Is something bothering you?" Erwin eventually asks, not even sure why. Levi hardly ever seems bothered by anything or at least, he's not showing it. And much less, tells anyone. So Erwin isn't surprised when he doesn't get a very clear answer.

"Heh," Levi exhales which sounds weirdly like some kind of chuckle, but it's more likely to be snort of some kind. Though, it's rather soft.

"Just... Nothing. I don't know." Levi adds and obviously, finishes. He doesn't say another thing, but Erwin is okay with that. He looks around for a bit, finds himself relaxing somewhat. Maybe it's nice not to be alone. Maybe it's nice to share the possibly last hours of one's life with someone else. Maybe, Levi just thinks so too.

The nice silence stays for a while and Erwin is reminded of all the silent afternoons with Levi in his office. He wishes they had some tea. But maybe they don't even need it. Erwin also starts thinking about that song again, the bird and wonders what Levi would say if he told him about it. He doesn't have the slightest idea.

Erwin starts drumming the song against his thighs, almost silently. He hardly notices, even though he's not too deep in his thoughts. Levi's voice doesn't startle him.

"Hey," he says and Erwin looks over, fingers still drumming. Levi's gaze is down, the furrow of his brow concentrated on where Erwin's fingers are. It makes Erwin remember the day Levi noticed the first time. He didn't really think about it again, but now it makes him wonder. Maybe Levi heard the song too? Erwin hasn't in a while, not since wall Maria fell. Maybe the bird is dead. The thought saddens Erwin.

"Where'd you pick that up?" Levi asks, eyes darting up to meet Erwin's gaze. He has the same weird expression on his face than that day seemingly so long ago. Erwin would say it's some kind of uncertainty, but honestly, he can't imagine Levi feeling something like that. At least, not in a way that Erwin could see.

"I..." Erwin hesitates. He thinks about the possibility that the soldier who sang so late in the night, could be dead. And he thinks if Levi knew, he could possibly tell Erwin that. Erwin doesn't want to think about it like that, wants to keep believing in that free bird. But in the end, he decides to tell anyway.

"I heard it in the headquarters," he says, thinking back. "It was the middle of the night and I was just going back to my room to get some sleep. It came from the communal bathroom. The first time I didn't really catch it, but then I heard it again sometime later. And then again and I remembered the tune. It sounded nice, happy somehow. I don't know. I just picked it up. I don't know the words though, sounded like some foreign language."

Erwin just talks it away like it's the most normal think to say. It probably isn't, but Erwin doesn't mind telling Levi.

Levi keeps returning Erwin's gaze for a moment, eyes flickering in the candlelight, but then he looks away. Another moment passes with Levi's eyes darting around till he finally finds a spot to focus them on.

"It's a song about seeing the sun rise," Levi says after a long silence, voice flat and low like he's, what, embarrassed? Erwin doesn't quite catch it or maybe, he just doesn't believe it could be a possibility.

"It's Hebrew. Isabel taught it to me."

The sentence lingers in the air for a moment and Erwin has no idea what he's supposed to feel. First, he just thinks about Levi's former companion. The energetic girl with red hair and sparkling eyes. Then he thinks about the song, thinks about the words he never understood. And just then he realises, Levi is the bird.

_Levi is the bird_ , Erwin thinks, almost shocked. _Levi sang in the middle of the night. He did._

Never, Erwin would've thought about Levi doing something like that. It just seems so highly unlikely. But now, recalling the voice, maybe Erwin has to admit some resemblance.

"You..." Erwin's sentence cracks in disbelief and he clears his throat, tries to think about what he wants to say.

"I didn't know someone heard," Levi says before Erwin can manage. "And of all people, _you_ do."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Erwin furrows his brow, maybe feels a little insulted, but then he grasps that Levi might, seriously, be embarrassed.

"I mean I..." Erwin clears his throat again. "It wasn't on purpose. I just happened to hear it."

"Well fuck you for working late into the night." Levi looks over, a snarl on his face, cheeks a little red. Somehow, Erwin finds the sight really endearing and he has to fight a smile.

"Well I thought it was very beautiful," Erwin then says, meaning it. Levi's snarl cracks and his expression falls soft, the way it usually is. Maybe Erwin never thought of it as soft, but now it looks like that.

"It made me think of a bird," Erwin continues without thinking. "A bird flying over the lands outside the walls, chirping that song. A bird with the true wings of freedom on his back."

Levi doesn't respond and for minutes, the words just linger in the air. Erwin thinks back to the day the wall fell and he remembers the image of Levi on his palm, flying off like a bird. It makes Erwin's skin tingle with some kind of desire he can't place.

"You're the bird Levi," he finally says, eyes lowering just so.

Levi's Adam's apple bobs under a swallow and after a second that feels like time stopped running, he reaches out. His delicate fingers wrap around the collar of Erwin's shirt and Erwin gives in to the strong grip, his head dipping down. He meets Levi's lips halfway and for a wonderful, long moment, they stay like this. They just linger there, pressed against each other and it makes Erwin feel like he's experiencing his first kiss all over again. But then Levi seems to get curious. He pulls Erwin a little closer and Erwin has to brace himself on the mattress to avoid falling forward.

Levi's lips move and Erwin moves with them in some kind of magical chime. It flares a warm feeling in Erwin and he reaches out to cup Levi's face with his free hand, thumb tracing his jaw. Levi lets him, his fist still curled into Erwin's collar. But then he eases off and Erwin feels reluctant to let the soft sensation go.

Levi takes a low breath and a heartbeat later, their lips are back together. The kiss is more eager this time, Levi's tongue swiping over Erwin's lips. It's hot and soft and Erwin lets it slip, curls his own tongue around the sensation.

It's been years, Erwin realises, since he's last kissed someone. It's just something Erwin doesn't think about anymore. He's seen so many people die, so many families left behind. Erwin always found some comfort in being alone, regarding to that. He wouldn't leave a family behind, because it's already gone and he never wanted that to change. But right now, he doesn't want to stop kissing Levi. They could both die tomorrow, but Erwin doesn't want to stop.

Erwin's hand runs over Levi's skin, his neck, to the back of his head. Levi's hair is soft and light, the stubble under it nearly tickling Erwin's palm when he brushes through. Levi lets him and they linger in the kiss for a blissful eternity. But then it's Erwin who eases off, because he feels like he can't breathe.

Levi jerks from his touch, surprisingly gentle, but Erwin pulls his hand back anyway. Levi eyes are all over his face and he rubs his mouth with the back of his hand. Erwin wants to say something, but he doesn't know what. So he stays silent.

"Erwin," Levi finally says, not even a hint of what he's thinking behind it. "Your formation will work."

Erwin feels a little thrown back by the sudden mention, didn't expect something like that after what just happened. Thinking about it however, it seems almost reasonable. Whatever just happened, Levi surely isn't one for smooth talk. And in fact, Erwin isn't really either.

"Yeah," Erwin replies, traces his lips in a manner of removing the little bit of extra wetness. "I hope so."

Levi nods, sits still for a moment, and then pushes himself from the bed.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he says. "Get some sleep."

"You too," Erwin says, Levi already half out the door and then it falls shut and Erwin is alone again. He doesn't sit and think. He blows the candle and slips under his blanket. He has time to think about all this when they're back. For now, he has to focus.

 

The Titans already swarmed wider in a bigger number than anticipated, but the legion makes it through without much trouble. The formation turns out to be surprisingly stable. There's a little trouble once with a group deciding to go for the Titan instead of following the new tactic, but other than that, the test almost goes smooth. The communication is easy with the flares and they move faster and safer than ever before. Against the plan, they even seek out the damage in the deserted areas and despite a couple of unavoidable losses, the mission goes better than anticipated. The weather is on their side and Erwin hopes they will continue having that luck for at least a little while, till everyone adapted to the new formation.

All that however, doesn't change the fact that they do come back with dead bodies and are exhausted from the journey, the few battles they couldn't avoid. But it's still good, Erwin thinks, it's something. They're moving forward.

Erwin is exhausted when they reach the headquarters, but he lingers around the stables for a while, comforts the beauty of a horse he's lucky to have. It's a mare, as white as snow, calm, fast and persevering. Her name is Ruth and Erwin is willingly feeding her an apple while brushing her large forehead.

"Guess what we'd do without those," a voice next to Erwin says and he doesn't have to tilt his head to realise it's Levi. His tone of voice is distinctive. Erwin starts wondering while he never realised it was Levi who sang that song, suddenly remembering the night before their leave.

"I guess we'd be pretty fucked," Erwin says, simply unable to find another word. Maybe Levi's choice of words starts to catch up to him.

Levi exhales that weird noise that almost sounds like a chuckle and steps closer, his hand joining Erwin's to brush Ruth. Erwin watches the movement, finds Levi's skin not as pale as usual in contrast with Ruth's whiteness. _But they are very small_ , Erwin thinks, not even knowing why he suddenly thinks that. Not that he never realised Levi is small, but he never thought much about it. In fact, it's a huge advantage on his side. He can move way more quickly and smooth than, for example, Erwin or Mike. And he's a much smaller target. Erwin never understood why everyone is always surprised to meet Levi. Levi is good and it's something that already spread wide and yet he hears it all the time. _"I thought he was taller!"_ Erwin just doesn't get it. Levi's height is practically _perfect_ for Titan combat. And fortunately, almost every other aspect is too.

"Well." Levi huffs, rubs a small grey spot near Ruth's nostril. "I said it would work."

Levi doesn't have to specify, Erwin knows what he's talking about. It makes him remember the night before they left once more, the kiss, more intensely. Maybe he wants to do it again.

"Yeah," Erwin says, pushing the thought away. "You said so."

"Guess you have your own values," Levi says, pats the horse and Erwin just _has_ to laugh, because he doesn't think he remembers anyone _ever_ comparing him to a horse.

"Are you trying to compliment me Levi?" Erwin asks, ending his sudden laughter with a low chuckle.

"Tch." Levi clicks his tongue. "As fucking if."

Erwin chuckles again, glances over, but Levi's expression doesn't give much away. Of course not. Erwin thinks it's very charming and he feels the need to brush through Levi's hair. He remembers it soft. However, Erwin doesn't. Instead, he brushes Ruth's mane. It's not very soft.

It's silent for a while and it calms the turmoil the expedition left in Erwin. But it also stirs his exhaustion and he's suddenly very desperate for some sleep.

"Well," he says, fighting a yawn. "You should get some rest Levi. That's what I'm going to do."

"No working late into the night?" Levi's eyes flicker over and Erwin finds it really, really hard not to kiss him right now.

"No," he then says. "I need a nap first."

"Hmh." Levi just nods and after a quiet goodbye Erwin strives off to his room. He hums the bird's melody into his throat all the way back. Levi's melody.

 

The funding doesn't get better and nothing seems to change within the Survey Corps headquarters. Everyone attends to their duties, sometimes a couple of soldiers strive out for a drink or two. Erwin receives positive reaction to the formation he developed and there's a rarely seen confidence around.

Sometimes, Levi joins Erwin in his office. He brings tea and usually sits quiet. At times he complains about the sticky air and opens the window and other times he rants about Erwin's messy table – it just happens to loose it's order over time – and then helps Erwin tidy it up again. It's charming and endearing and Erwin likes having Levi around.

They don't talk much however and nothing between them seems to change. It makes Erwin wonder what Levi thinks about the kiss they shared. It makes him wonder if Levi even thinks about it. Erwin does, but he never brings it up, just doesn't know how. He also wants to do it again, but Levi always sits across the table and when they run into each other around the headquarters occasionally, they just greet each other, rarely stop for a short conversation. It wouldn't be the right place anyway. They can't just do what they want, more precisely, Erwin can't.

Still, sometimes he lies in his bed at night and stares at the ceiling, hums Levi's song to himself with a finger on his lips.

_That song_ , about seeing the sun rise. Erwin wonders why Levi sung it. As a memory? But these days, Erwin doesn't hear it. It was to be expected, in fact, that Levi would stop. Or maybe, he just pays extra careful attention to when Erwin stays in his office in the evening. Sometimes Erwin just wants to ask. Wants to ask what the song means to Levi, why he sings it in the middle of the night. Wants to ask him to sing it for him. But he doesn't. In a weird way, it doesn't feel right. It just doesn't feel right. And anyway, Erwin has more important issues to care about.

 

The next expedition seems to go as well as the last one at first, but they run into a deviant and to everyone's horror, it breaches the formation. It crashes right into Erwin and the group at the top of the formation and Erwin has to abandon his beautiful Ruth while the Titan stomps around aimlessly. Ruth darts off and Erwin likes to think she's smart, rather than merely freaked out. Maybe she'll come back. He doesn't have much time to think about it however, because Deviants are nasty shits and that one is about ten meters in height. Erwin is probably just lucky that a tree stands nearby he can shoot his hooks into to get away.

Mike and Levi kill the Titan and it falls to the ground, dissolving in thick smoke. The formation is a little torn, but in the end they somehow make it. Erwin is already working on a solution when he's provided with a new horse and they press on.

The rest of the expedition everyone seems a little edgy about another Deviant appearing and for the time being, Erwin instructs to fire two red flares, figures they could maybe use another colour for the case.

It's fortunate that nothing the like happens again and the legion finds a small village with large fields that seems completely untouched from Titans. They decide to set up a base there and can at least celebrate a small victory.

The way back goes with less complications, but Erwin thinks no expedition will ever end without dead soldiers as long as the Titans are still around. And they will always be exhausting and straining, mentally and physically equal.

On the way back, a snow white horse emerges from a small forest and joins the group at the top of the formation without a rider. Ruth seems unharmed and Erwin feels stupid feeling like he loves that horse.

Back behind the temporary safety behind the walls, Erwin takes his time cleaning Ruth all by himself. She seems almost unnaturally calm considering she wandered around without a rider in Titan territory for a while. But Erwin's glad she's back and he tells her, even though it's stupid.

By the time Erwin's finished, everyone else left already. The horses are fed and as ready to rest as the whole legion. Erwin is exhausted too, but maybe he will try to work out a solution to the deviant problem after he cleaned himself up.

"You got one hell of a horse."

The sudden voice startles Erwin, but while he darts around he already realises it's Levi. Maybe it's not surprising for Levi to be still around – Erwin knows he has a knick for horses – but he's surprised about not noticing it. In the end, it's probably also not surprising. Levi can be a shadow, Erwin finds himself often mentally startled when Levi's suddenly standing in front of him. Another thing of his past that stuck to him.

"Levi," Erwin manages to say, just catches up with what he just said after a moment. "Ah, well. I suppose I do."

Levi rolls his shoulders and then he walks towards Erwin so fast, that Erwin hardly catches the movement. When he finally does, his back is already humped, Levi's hand fisting his collar, their lips pressed together.

Erwin has to inhale a low breath before he realises the situation and even then, he's for a moment unsure what to do. But Levi's tongue swipes over his lips and Erwin reaches out, one hand cupping Levi's head, the other one curling around his waist. And then he's kissing back and feels suddenly so desperate for it that he shuffles to press Levi against a wall.

He's surprisingly harsh about it, the tools hanging from the wood clattering with the push that presses Levi's back against it. But Levi doesn't seem to mind. Quite the opposite in fact. He lets out a sigh, something desperate, and tugs at Erwin's collar, his free hand pressing against Erwin's shoulder, rubbing over the strained muscles.

The kiss gets terribly messy, terribly fast and Erwin is almost embarrassed about the way his breath starts to get all heavy. But Erwin wants this so much. He didn't even realise before. But now he does and he can't rip himself off Levi's lips, can't get enough of that taste in his mouth.

Levi doesn't seem very desperate to break it off either, but when Erwin starts to feel a warmth swirling in his stomach, he remembers where they are pretty suddenly. He's about to yank away when Levi's hand darts down and palms the bulge in his trousers.

For a second, Erwin stills, his lips hanging against Levi's and for the second, Levi is still too. But then his hand starts to rub and Erwin yanks away with a trashy moan he can't suppress.

"Levi-"

He's about to say they can't do this, but Levi's sight kicks the words back into his throat. It's not that Levi's expression has changed so much, but his cheeks are red, his eyes dark and hazy and he licks his lips like he wants Erwin to catch it. His grip is still tight around Erwin's collar and then his hand brushes over the inappropriate bulge in Erwin's trousers once more.

This time Erwin can suppress a moan, but he has to bite his lip, bites down a little harder with his eyes on Levi's face. And suddenly, Erwin doesn't care any longer. Everyone's gone anyway and if someone comes back, they better oversee their Commander in heat with someone else. They better do, because Erwin isn't planning on going anywhere with that bulge. Especially not when Levi looks at him like it's the only thing he'll ever want.

"God," Erwin breathes out, pushing himself against Levi's palm when he dips down to kiss him again. Levi sighs hot into Erwin's mouth and keeps rubbing his bulge till Erwin pushes his hand away to rut it against Levi's body instead. He's as hard as Erwin and their suppressed moans mingle in the wet kiss.

From there on, it doesn't take long for them to free their aching cocks from their trousers and jack each other off. Levi is quite skilled with that, Erwin has to experience. His delicate fingers rub just in the right places and Levi seems to get where and how Erwin likes to be touched fairly quickly. In the haze of it, all Erwin can do, is do his best. He's not inexperienced, but it's been such a long time. At least it feels like that to Erwin. And Levi feels far better than anyone Erwin can remember.

They kiss like it's their last day on earth and as far as Erwin is concerned, it could be. But he doesn't think so much about it, just works his hand up and down Levi's length, breathes his moans into Levi's throat and Levi does the same.

It feels like a blissful eternity while it lasts, but eventually Erwin's orgasm starts to build up and he can't keep himself from coming. He trembles a little with the feeling and just seconds later, Levi spills as well. They work each other through in a haze, hands eventually stilling and then, with a salacious sound, their lips part.

Erwin braces his elbow against the wall while he tries to catch his breath. Levi doesn't move under him expect for the hand that pulls away from Erwin's cock. They stay like that for a while, heavy breathing slowing down.

"God," Levi mumbles into the silence. "When was the last time you jacked off? You shot a fucking ton. Disgusting."

Erwin laughs despite himself, still weirdly hazy from his climax, and presses a kiss to Levi's head. He just does it, feels right about doing it. Levi grumbles, but lets it be for a moment, gives Erwin some time to calm down some more. In the end he starts complaining again and Erwin finds a cloth in a bucket somewhere to wipe the worst off. Damage is done, but everyone's probably asleep by now and if they go back quickly, no one will notice.

And no one does. They part without a word and Erwin wonders if Levi's going to sing now, when he showers. He's almost tempted to go down to the communal bathroom to find out, but then thinks better of it.

While he showers, Erwin thinks about what just happened. Thinks about what the hell they did and most of all, why they even did it. Erwin never would've thought he likes Levi like that, but now, well, maybe, he does. Maybe, he does.

After the exhaustion from the expedition and the satisfying act afterwards, Erwin has no problem falling asleep whatsoever. He forgets all problems while he sleeps, but then, early in the morning, sees to his duty.

Days pass without Levi stopping by at Erwin's office and Erwin hardly sees him around. He's not avoiding him, they're not avoiding each other, it just happens. It always does. Times shortly after and before expeditions are always busy and everyone has stuff to do. But the busy days pass and the, more or less, normal routine comes back. And with it, Levi comes back to Erwin's office.

They don't talk. Don't talk about the kiss, don't talk about what they did after coming back. They just don't and Erwin feels like they don't have to anyway.

Maybe it's the pressure, their life that could end any minute, or maybe it's something entirely else. Erwin doesn't know and he's sure Levi doesn't either. But Erwin decides for himself, it doesn't even matter. He likes having Levi around, enjoys his rude words. And that's it. They don't have to make things complicated. They don't need to.

 

Time passes and things stay the same. Being in the Survey Corps is as straining and looked down upon by other as ever. But Erwin never minded that, and he doesn't so now.

He worked on the formation again, but just a little. The only real problems could be the Deviants and the weather. But no one can change the weather. And for the Deviants, Erwin decides for a black flare to signalise one, makes clear if one appears, it's to be taken down as soon as possible. And he hopes it will work like that. Levi tells him it will and maybe, Erwin likes to hear it.

The night before the next expedition, Levi sneaks into Erwin's room. He doesn't say a thing, just kisses Erwin and presses him onto the mattress. And then they rut against each other till they make a mess and afterwards, Levi slides away.

It becomes something like a habit. It just happens occasionally, mostly right before or after an expedition. They kiss and fumble around till they're spent and worn out and panting. Sometimes Levi comes to Erwin's room, sometimes Erwin asks him to. Other than that, everything stays the same. Sometimes they don't see each other for a while, sometimes Levi accompanies Erwin in his office over a cup of tea and rants about his untidiness. Erwin finds it endearing, but he doesn't tell Levi.

 

Things change a little when Levi gets to pick his own squad. He's just so terribly good that Erwin doesn't want to waste it. And Levi knows it. He picks his soldiers with care and precision and Erwin is quite sure the Survey Corps never had a better squad ever before. And Levi is good with them. He's not exactly a team-player maybe, but he trusts his squad and they trust him.

Levi doesn't have all too much time to come to Erwin's office for a tea any more, but sometimes he does. And sometimes he still sneaks into Erwin's room and they kiss and fumble around till they climax. Erwin finds himself wishing for things to always stay like this. He knows, one day, they might stop. But he doesn't care. He has no time to be so selfish. Has no time to think about it that way. And so he just enjoys it. And Levi seems to do so too.

Sometimes, Levi stays for a bit, lets his body cool before he wipes himself off and slides back into his clothes. Sometimes he lies on the bed and then Erwin looks at him in the candlelight and finds him very beautiful. Sometimes he wants to tell Levi that, but he never does. And sometimes Erwin thinks about that song he still hums to himself and then he wonders if Levi still sings it. He wants to ask more often then not, but then again, never does.

_You don't need to know everything Smith_ , he tells himself when the thought gets to tempting and then he smiles to himself and kisses Levi's head and feels like he doesn't have to ask anymore.

 

The next expedition brings the greatest misfortune Erwin thinks he has ever seen. They run into two deviants and one of them manages to breach the formation as far as to destroy a good amount of their supplies before it can be taken down. That alone will definitely force them to shorten the expedition, which is simply not good at all. Later they get cornered by three groups of Titans and have no way to avoid them and many soldiers loose their lives trying to fight them on open ground. The formation is far spread and not everyone has it so bad, but it still affects everyone. And then Erwin calls the retreat, because it's simply impossible to try and press on, possibly just to be met by another devastating misfortune, with so many injured soldiers. And on the way back, the sky gets all dark with rain and Erwin mentally curses himself. At least they have enough luck not to run into too much trouble from then on, but the return must be one of the most horrible ones Erwin has ever experienced. Maybe he just thinks so. It nags at him, like he made a huge mistake somewhere.

At least the weather is on their side with that. They return with the heavy rain and there are very few people that stand aside when they carry themselves back. Erwin isn't sure if he could've handled all the fuss, so he's horribly thankful for that. As much as he tries to be stern and unyielding, sometimes it just gets to him too. It gets to him that so many people think he forces soldiers into death. But he doesn't. Erwin doesn't. They _decide_ to join and then everyone can just do their best. They fight for something they believe in. For a better world. The Survey Corps aren't the problem, the Titans are.

Later, in the stables, Erwin spots Levi and they have a very intense moment of secret understanding. Levi will come to Erwin's room tonight.

Levi waits for the darkness, but not long into it. His hair is still damp when he sneaks through the door and Erwin didn't even care to put much clothes on. And the ones he does wear, are quickly torn off. It's a feeling, a rage, that seems to posses them both that night. They move so much, like they're in combat on Erwin's bed. They bruise each other's skin and Levi bites a bloody line in Erwin's bottom lip. All they ever do is rut against each other, but tonight, it doesn't feel like enough.

Erwin presses another bruise into Levi's hip when he pins him down on the mattress and when he stops moving otherwise, Levi breaks the kiss. He looks blown, impatient, desperation and anger flickering somewhere in those grey eyes.

"Levi," Erwin says, voice a rumble. He trails one hand down to Levi's left thigh and pushes it apart. "Can I be inside you today?" Erwin doesn't know how else to put it. He's not sure why they never really did it, but he just can't stand it any longer. It's been on his mind for a while, in truth, but till now, it was always enough.

Maybe Erwin expects some kind of hesitance, Levi telling him he doesn't want to. Erwin just has the feeling, but he did ask and Levi answers fairly quickly.

"Yeah," he says, voice just a sigh, but he spreads his legs wider on his own. "Yeah, put it in tonight."

The words startle Erwin for a moment, but then again, they send a shiver up his spine and he desperately hopes Levi doesn't change his mind, because Erwin doesn't know if he could stop.

He kisses Levi again, all hot and wet and desperate and then he reaches for the small shelf beside his bed. He knocks two books over and behind them, stands a flask of oil Erwin's gotten a while ago. Levi doesn't seem all to surprised about that, just gives Erwin a nod and locks his lips once more.

It's not the first time Erwin is doing this and honestly, he doubts it's Levi's, but despite the haste Erwin feels deep inside himself, he manages to tame himself. They can rush it when Levi's gotten used to it.

The first finger, slips in rather easy, slick with oil, Levi ready to receive it. Erwin knows it's a sensitive area and he's very pleased to see Levi's response. He actually has to break the kiss to gasp for air, hips shaking. Erwin gives him a moment and then starts stretching, finds the quiet sounds Levi exhales along with his aroused expression taming his rush. It would be a waste to rush it like this.

Levi curses him for it when Erwin adds a second finger and starts stretching him wider, starts digging deeper, curls his fingers. It seems to get harder and harder for Levi to suppress his moans and Erwin already shudders with excitement thinking about what it will be like to finally, really do it.

"Fuck you," Levi hisses, a while after Erwin added a third finger. "Enough with your soft shit."

He wriggles his hips and even though Erwin would like to continue, he starts getting desperate too. His cock aches, precum already tracing the length, so Erwin eases his fingers out. Levi exhales a low grunt, that actually sounds more desperate than anything else and then they move again. But it's just Levi switching their positions so he's on top. He straddles his thighs over Erwin's and digs out the oil, pours some of it onto Erwin's cock and starts working it up and down his length. Erwin moans to the touch and lets him, for a moment thinks Levi is going to tease him _back_ – though Erwin doesn't really see it as teasing, he was simply careful – but he doesn't.

Levi moves a little hasty again, just slows down when the tip of Erwin's cock is pressing against his twitching muscle. Erwin swallows hard and almost chokes on his moan when his head slips in. Levi shudders and Erwin reaches for his hips to steady him, digs some new bruises near his pelvic bone, jaw agape.

"Fuck." Levi hisses, puts his palms flat against the jumping muscles on Erwin's abdomen and works himself down. Erwin has to strain every muscle in his body to keep himself from rocking his hips up or simply pushing Levi down. It already feels so good, and the way he feels Levi stretching around him, his insides hot and wet, makes Erwin want to cum right away.

He holds on and then Levi sits, their skin flush, with his head bowed down. His breath is so loud and Erwin sees the layer of sweat on his skin. He looks simply marvellous and Erwin has to swallow again to keep himself from moving. He rubs an encouraging thumb over Levi's hip and Levi lets out a ragged breath. For a second, Erwin fears he's in pain, but Levi's next movement is to push himself up again and the noise he makes when he sinks down again forces a moan out of Erwin's throat before he can do anything about it.

Shortly after that, it gets messy again. Levi starts moving, first slowly and Erwin manages to give him some time, but he just can't seem to hold on much longer, so he starts meeting Levi's movements and then they move together, moan together and everything else is forgotten. Erwin doesn't think about the Survey Corps, doesn't think about the Titans, doesn't think about humanity. He just thinks about Levi and that alone, is the most satisfying thing ever.

Erwin starts to rub his hands all over Levi's body, one always sure to support him a little, the other one just wandering off, brushing Levi's nipples, tracing the marks the 3D Maneuver Gear left on the pale skin all the way down to his thighs. Levi has his hands on Erwin's chest, scratches the skin whenever an unavoidably loud noise tumbles out of his throat. Sometimes they manage to kiss, but Levi is too busy working his hips. Erwin loves it, and they drive each other towards an orgasm maddeningly sinful.

Erwin sees when Levi is close to coming in the way the muscles in his stomach tighten, and his hand finds its way to Levi's cock. By now, Erwin knows how Levi likes it and Levi comes, practically shouting Erwin's name, not long after.

He slows down for a moment, his heavy eyes locked with Erwin's, but then he starts moving faster again, circles his hips, lips parted.

"Come on, come on Erwin," he says, voice thick and hazy, a little hitched. Erwin just moans in response, eyes half closing, his gaze darting up and down Levi till his hips snap and he comes. Levi moans with him, lets Erwin shoot inside and then, just flops down onto Erwin's body.

They lie there for a while, simply breathing. Levi's breath is hot against Erwin's skin, still sends a shiver through his body that perks even the smallest hair. It's wonderful and Erwin never wants it to end.

He starts running his fingers up and down Levi's spine after a bit of calming down and meets no resistance, so he keeps it up. The silence that spreads, reminds Erwin of the many times Levi joined him in his office. Sometimes he thinks, times were easier then. Before Wall Maria fell. But in fact, they weren't. It was just an illusion of safety and even though Erwin always thought he didn't believe it, he has to admit, he tends to feel safer behind the walls as well. It's stupid, Erwin knows that, but maybe he needs it too sometimes. Something that makes him feel safe in this horrible world.

Erwin's gaze drifts down to Levi, his hair a mess, the strands now damp with sweat. He wonders, if Levi thinks so too. If Levi tends to give himself to the illusion of safety. In a way, Erwin doesn't believe it. Levi doesn't seem like a person who would do something like that. But he's just a person, just a human being, no matter how hard and strong he is.

It reminds Erwin of the song Levi used to sing in the communal bathroom. The song of seeing the sun rise, the one he held onto after his friends died. Maybe, that's a thing that gives Levi safety, the feeling of safety. The feeling, that everything is okay for a moment.

"Levi, why did you sing that song?" Erwin asks into the silence, feels so relaxed that he doesn't see a reason not to. He's been curious forever and now may be the only time Erwin finds it in himself to ask.

Levi shuffles on top of him and pushes himself up, but then stays there. Erwin's hands brush down and he holds Levi's waist, his thumbs circling over the bruises he left on his hips with care, almost remorse.

"It reminds me..." Levi pauses, gaze darting for a moment, but in the end, he locks eyes with Erwin and the openness, is startling.

"It reminds me that all we can do is... do what we think is best."

Erwin takes the words in, keeps rubbing Levi's waist and doesn't look away.

"And that we don't know the outcome before it happens," Levi continues. "We never know if we'll regret it later on, but when we have to make a choice, we can't allow ourself to think like that. We just have to do something."

Erwin nods slowly, brushes his hands down to Levi's thighs and carefully strokes the skin. It's soft, but the muscles underneath are hard and strong.

"Do you regret something Levi?" he then asks, which makes Levi laugh openly. But it's not a happy laugh, it's a very bitter one.

"Of course I do," he says. "But that doesn't matter."

Erwin nods again, understanding, but can't seem to hold himself from going on asking questions. He doesn't expect Levi to answer, he just wants to say it.

"Do you still miss them? Your friends from the underground?"

Levi is silent for a long moment, like the words hit him. Erwin fears it was yet too much, but Levi doesn't look away. Doesn't move. Maybe he's thinking. Maybe this is what Levi looks like when he's thinking about something. Erwin has never noticed.

"Yeah," Levi says after a moment. "Yeah I do. But... you know, who knows what would've happened had I made another choice back then. Doesn't matter. I guess... maybe..." He pauses again, fingers drawing a circle on Erwin's chest. "I guess I'm good where I am now."

Erwin smiles and one of his hands finds its way to Levi's cheek. He rubs the skin, the sharp collarbone and like Levi read his thoughts, he bows down to kiss him.

It's a very soft kiss, slow and gentle and Erwin hears the faint chirp of a bird in his head. When Levi eases off, there's a hint of a smile on his lips, though, maybe, Erwin just wants it to be there. Maybe, he likes to imagine Levi smiling. But in the end, he's perfectly okay with the way Levi is. He doesn't have to smile.

Levi shifts a little and makes himself comfortable on Erwin's body, breathing low for a while and Erwin does the same, his fingers brushing along Levi's back once more. And for the moment, everything is fine. The world is okay. They're okay. It makes Erwin feel happy and sad at the same time.

"I need a shower," Levi finally says, pushing himself up again. It breaks the silence almost painfully and Erwin reaches out to curl his fingers around Levi's hips, to keep him close for another moment. Just for another moment, he wants the world to be okay. Levi looks at him, waging, but stays still.

"Will you sing the song for me?" Erwin then asks, finally giving the words, he thought since he found out, a voice. It's almost scary and Erwin wants to add that Levi doesn't have to, but he wants him to. And when Levi doesn't want to, well, then he will tell him. But Levi does no such thing. He just sits there in silence for a while and then, he nods. Erwin hardly catches it actually, but when Levi parts his lips, and starts to chirp the song of freedom, he knows.

And for the moment, everything is still okay. They're still alright. They're still breathing. They're still alive. And maybe,

Erwin found some comfort in this world after all.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually supposed to be sth super short about Levi singing under the shower just because I don't even know. I have no idea what happened but yeah.  
> Please excuse me if the 'plot' doesn't make much sense I just somehow went along with whatever popped into my mind.
> 
> That aside plase tell me if I made any horrible mistakes considering English is not my first language! And if you made it this far, thanks for reading <3


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